1/4/2024 0 Comments Whatsapp pocket serial![]() Many Introverts-turned-Ambiverts tend to feel more extroverted at work (where we all have to be “on” to some extent) and more introverted at home. But as happens for some Introverts, you left home, gained confidence, sharpened your social skills, and realized that in the right situation, your inner Extrovert emerges and you are “ bubbly, whimsical, and personality forward”. The intensity of your emotions (“ T hat awkward small talk that you make when you first meet up is paralyzing and I worry that it may never end and THEN WHAT?!”) seem characteristic of someone who spent her childhood and adolescence as an Introvert - feeling uncomfortable in most social situations and anxious in anticipation of them. The reason you’re unable to enjoy the full benefits of being an Ambivert is the same reason you’re feeling such emotional conflict about socializing - it has to do with your underlying self-definition, your basic sense of who you believe yourself to be.Ĭanceler, I suspect you’re relatively new to being an Ambivert. They can call on a wider range of social skills (for instance, they’re bubbly and outgoing and good listeners) which, studies found, helps them excel at occupations such as sales. People who are a mix of Extrovert and Introvert are known as Ambiverts (take this quiz to find out if you’re one). In fact, psychologically speaking, the intersection of Introvert and Extrovert is a prime place to live. You may be wondering whether this emotional turmoil just comes with the territory of living “ at the intersection of introvert and extrovert”. ![]() But your question isn’t actually about guilt it’s about the behavior that provokes it - why you feel so excited about socializing when you make plans, yet get so freaked out about socializing that you eventually cancel them. It can be intensely distracting and suffocating, and it can even interfere with our ability to feel happiness. ![]() Living with a “t remendous amount of guilt” is no picnic. Introvert Me shows up at the door, but Extrovert Me is the one who walks through it. I ended up having a great time - and 9 times out of 10 I do. Just last night, I saw someone that I was going to cancel on but didn’t. When it comes to the feelings that drive me to cancel, my first thought is “I don’t know what I am going to talk about!” That awkward small talk that you make when you first meet up is paralyzing, and I worry that it may never end and THEN WHAT?!Īfter I send my cancel text or email, I feel so happy! But I wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed because I cancelled. However, as the date for the plans get close - usually on the Monday of the week they’re to happen - Introvert Me starts the cancellation process in my head. I am that bubbly, whimsical, personality-forward person. Extrovert Me has every intention of showing up. What makes me do this? I think it’s because I live at the intersection of introvert and extrovert. My excuses are of the garden variety: I don’t feel well (I feel fine ), working late (I leave the office at 6PM like clockwork ), need to wait at home for the cable guy (I cut the cord years ago ). I also take great joy in people cancelling on me. I make plans with the best intentions, but then I cancel them. I live with a tremendous amount of guilt, and I am hoping you can help guide me to the path of the righteous. Please send your questions to to read his previous columns, go here. Twice a month, he’ll answer your most pressing questions about your relationships, your job (or jobs), your family (or families), your passions, worries, fears, and more. Or through his TED book about heartbreak, or his preview advice column. You may know him because of his three thoughtful, helpful TED Talks (on emotional first aid, heartbreak, and work burnout). Sarah Jane Souther / unsplash Welcome to “Dear Guy,” TED’s advice column from NYC psychologist Guy Winch.
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